5 Things… NOPE not reading this book!

August 7, 2014 5 things 3

Pretty bride cleaning her bloody chainsaw



5 Things…that make me NOT want to read this book!!!

Lori: The things that can make me not want to read a book can vary. They also fluctuate depending on my mood. What I might be on the hunt for this week could totally change next week. So these are 5 THINGS that make me NOT want to read this book (right now).

5.) Everyone else thinks it’s the cats meow. I find that I don’t necessarily like what everyone else likes. I try not to buy into hype too much, which is why I am also finding books to read that are years old.

4.) The lead sounds like a MAJOR DOUCHE! I’ve flipped my shit over questionable character’s in the past. And I LOVE a dynamic bad guy. But not as in I love him and think he’s husband material. If all the book has to offer me is a semi abusive, possible rapist/stalker then I’m going to steer clear. And no, I really don’t give a fuck how many muscles and tattoos he has. This also applies to the ‘blank slate’ females. Do I want to connect with them somehow? Yes. Do I want to project myself onto a fucking doormat? Uh try…NO.

3.) Oh pretty cover! Let me read the blurb…Ohhh… Wow this blurb is like half my screen and there is no spacing. It’s kind of just looks likes word vomit….*goes back to facebook*. Blurb writing is hard. I know this for a fact. Authors have to sell their book to readers in a very limited amount of space. If they have to write 2k+ blurb to explain the book I’m not going to read it or buy the book. IF the blurb is long it needs to have spaces and bold points so I can speed read it easily.

2.)  $9.99 for a fucking ebook. Nope. I’ll pay that for a hard copy in a heart beat. But a kindle copy? Nah. I totally admit to being cheap.

1.)What is that? *clicks thumbnail* Oh dear. This cover was made in MS Paint. This is ONLY acceptable TO ME if it’s monster/weird porn. The more WTF the cover is, the more money I’ll pay for it as long as it promises something completely ridiculous. I’m not a cover artist. I’m not a graphic designer, but there are literally TONS of premade covers out there that are good and affordable. And yes I have looked.


Elyse: It doesn’t happen to me very often, but sometimes something rubs me wrong about a book or it’s glaringly obvious and I just can’t bring myself to finish it or I won’t even pick it up to begin with. So here are my 5 THINGS today.

5.) Is that really your coverI know they say not to judge a book by it’s cover, but does that girl have 7 fingers? And it drives me nuts that the guy or girl on your cover doesn’t look anything like the ones in your book are supposed to.

4.) Your title. It’s a little direct, I mean “People In Love” doesn’t scream HEY! Read me!!

3.) Typos. The copious amounts of them on the first page are really going to prevent me from getting anywhere past the first chapter.

2.) Price. I have books that I’m dying to read on my wish list, but I just can’t afford the price tag on a 10$ ebook!

1.) Vanilla. I love it as an ice cream flavor, but I don’t want my book or my characters that flavor. Pour some chocolate syrup and sprinkles on that shit.


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I'm a mother, and I love reading. What else is there to know?

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  • I read this with interest and then went to Amazon to look up the book “5 Things.” Yes, I really did. Yes, I’m so embarrassed! lol

    • Lori Parker

      LOL that’s cute. It’s my fault for making the meme graphic look like a cover.

  • Ren Reidy

    LOL I love this!