Fifty Shades of Grey, A Broken Promise, And A Not-Really Review

June 25, 2012 Uncategorized 2

My sister and I made a deal. If she read Fifty and liked it, I had to read it. Ok. I peer pressure her into books all the time. Only fair. Was I happy about said deal? Oh hell no. After trying to read it twice I was so not looking forward to it.

Enter Broken Promise here. I tried. So. Hard. Third time was not a charm. I only made it as far as I did the second time (where his mother shows up at his apartment) before I wanted to rip my eyeballs from their sockets and toss them across the room. Now enter where this is A Not-Really Review. Having a pretty horrid case of ADD, with a side of obsessive tendencies, basically means for me that if I don’t like a book, forcing myself to finish it is near impossible. But if I do like it, even just a little, I will read it non-stop…obsessively. Yeah, you get it. I wanted to finish it. I wanted to be able to come on here and have a full opinion of the entire book, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. So, here I am, to give my feeble opinion on what I did read, combined with some questions.

I don’t get why people like Ana or Christian. I had zero emotional investment in either. Obviously. She was about as interesting as a clump of mud. He was a creepy asshole. And dear god, the scene where he’s buying the cable ties, tape and rope? Am I the only one who’s first thought would’ve been, “Oh he’s up to some shit…”. It was like that time at Target when the guy in front of me was buying five gallons of bleach. I put some distance between me and that fucking creeper. Maybe he had alot of whites to wash, though. It’s possible. But years of Lifetime movies have taught me to err on the side of caution. Look, I get not everyone is as cautious/paranoid as I am, but come on Ana. Thank god it was a Red Room of Pain and not a Dexter-style Kill Room. Jesus.

Moving along, I have to bring up the undeniably unrealistic sex. First, let me again say I’m only going off of how much I read. But I find it so ridiculous that this chick has never had any kind of sexual experience, yet the first time she goes downtown on Grey she’s deep throating like an effing porn star. And not only that, but she’s fantastic at it! I know, I know, this is fiction. But I need some realism in my fiction, even if it’s only on an emotional level.

I just…I don’t get it. I could’ve made it through the horrific characters (maybe) if the writing was decent. I could’ve made it through horrific writing if the characters were decent (most likely).

I won’t give it a rating since I couldn’t finish it…but…

    This picture completely describes
 my short but painful experience. Total trainwreck.

     

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Lori

I'm a mother, and I love reading. What else is there to know?

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  • Anonymous

    Being as though I didn’t like it (I didn’t hate it either) I don’t think you broke your promise.

  • Hahaha… I love this review, hilarious. I haven’t read it either as from what I’m told, it sounds terrible but everyone seems to love it. I’m glad I finally hear someone else saying they don’t get it!!
    Sarah 🙂
    http://threecatsandagirl.blogspot.com