Huge, I mean ENORMOUS fucking SPOILER alert!!! Do NOT pass GO if you have not read any of the five books or watched the series to date!
Welcome to the our first EVER Game of Thrones Recap post!!! We spend so much time talking about the show privately that we decided to post our thoughts on the show for everyone to read. Just another heads up- SPOILERS. It’s absolutely unavoidable. After this post we will wait until Tuesday morning to publish our recaps of the current episode.
Okay so first off lets start off with our thoughts on the series to date: George R. R. Martin (henceforth referred to as Georgie, or The GRRM) is famous for killing people. Seriously, the man seems to take a sick pleasure in the deaths of our beloveds. It’s fantastic!
So here are our lists of top 5 Deaths in GoT to this point:
5- Joff, for the show. In the books I was totally happy to see him go, but I actually kind of enjoyed the little prick on my screen.
4- Caitlyn, I had forgotten how much I hated her in the books until I watched the show. I was happy to see her go. And though she should be included in number one, I had to give her, her own number.
3- Craster. Because he was gross.
2- Polliver. My favorite Arya Stark kill.
1- The Red Fucking Wedding Man. I know I’m not supposed to want Robb Stark to die. But it was so brutal, and backhanded, and completely genius.
5 – Polliver gets a sword through the throat and spits blood into the air. Arya’s confident in her ability to exact revenge. Combine that with being reunited with Needle and you have a top 5 worthy death.
4 – Locke… actually the whole slaughter at Craster’s Keep was pretty awesome, but the way that Locke’s bones were sticking out at odd angles. Yup. Way to hodor, Hodor!
3 – Kraznys mo Nakloz – In case you don’t remember who that is, it’s the Master in Astapor who gets toasted by the dragon. He soooo had that coming!
2 – Joffrey – Here’s another asshat who had it coming. I will miss his whiny, cruel face though. He rounded out the cast really well.
1 – RED WEDDING! What else can I say?! There’s a reason they didn’t call it the blue wedding. So much death, each one more brutal than the last! Not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.
5: Mirri Maz Duur – Someone else who got what they deserved! It broke my heart what she did to Dany and Drogo.
Daenerys Targaryen: [to her khalasar] I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the blood of Old Valyeria. I am the dragon’s daughter, and I swear to you that those who would harm you will die screaming.
Mirri Maz Duur: You will not hear me screaming.
Daenerys Targaryen: I will. But it is not your screams I want. Only your life.
4: Viserys Targaryen – I can’t believe this wasn’t a top 5 for anyone else. I loved this scene, and he definitely was most deserving of his golden crown of glory.
3: Polliver – I would be lying if I said I didn’t do a fist pump for Arya when she went after him.
2: Karl – He was a despicable excuse for a Night’s Watchman, but it was one of the best and nastiest deaths when Jon shoved his sword through the back of his neck and into his mouth!
1: Joff- Oh how I wished that Sansa had shoved him off the side of the castle when she had the chance! He tortured everyone, and I’m sure he killed puppies in his spare time. But I’m glad he suffered.
And let me add here that I was absolutely horrified when the Mountain sliced through the neck of his steed at the joust!
Ladies, who are our favorite characters?
I wish I could have a million. Because I could make room for Tyrion, and Davos, oh and Gendry. But alas, I do not!
5- Cersei: “You cannot imagine what it’s like to have a man’s force of genius in you, and to suffer the fate of being a girl.” Yes, she sucks. But she’s also complicated, and fascinating. Also see this post on BuzzFeed! Lena Heady plays her perfectly!
4: Robb Stark– I loved him. Until he went and fucked everything up. Then I was like meh. Unfortunately the show doesn’t show you how underhanded the Frey family really is, so it was probably much more of a shock that he goes out the way he does. Robb signed his death certificate the minute he married what’s-her-name, and he was an idiot for thinking otherwise.
3: Arya: in the books Arya is my favorite character, in the show she’s the third. She’s still amazing, but for some reason her story isn’t flushing out enough for me.
2: Daenerys Targaryen: I want her to be on the Iron Throne so badly. Gah!!
1: Jon Snow: To no ones surprise. I mean come on! And yes, I am shallow like that!
1- Just kidding. My favorite character is Ser Pounce. Because I am a shallow cat lady!
5 – Daenerys Stormborn – She is the mother of dragons and doesn’t take shit from anybody. She is rocking the woman’s lib movement right about now! 😛
4 – The Hound – Yeah, I know he’s a villain, but how can I not root for him?! He’s such a sassy prick!
3 – Tyrion – His character is a little confined at the moment, but he keeps up with the sarcasm just fine from behind bars.
2 – Arya – She has always been one of my favorite characters. She doesn’t care that she’s a girl, or that she is small and young. She practices at her swordplay and takes out the big baddies. Don’t underestimate her.
1 – Jon Snow – He’s not just a pretty face! I love that he is strong and loyal, even to people who don’t deserve his loyalty. Plus he has a nice ass. 😉
5: Arya Stark – I have loved Arya from the start, she’s stubborn, and she refuses to let anyone tell her she can’t do something because she’s “just a little girl.”
4: Jon Snow – Because well, he’s Jon Snow.
3: Ramsay Snow – I’ve come to the conclusion that I just love the bastards of the North. I am so fascinated by the utter glee and excitement that he exudes when he tortures Theon/Reek. He is one sick twisted kid, and I love him for it.
2: Tyrion Lannister – Because fuck all the Lannisters, except Tyrion. I love how witty he is, and it hurts my heart that he tries so hard to make Sansa happy and she’d rather spit in his face. Ungrateful cu….*ahem*
1: Robb Stark – You guys are totally shallow. Up until a certain point I thought he was one of the few people in Westeros who had a good head on his shoulders *pun totally intended* but then he screwed things up by marrying the wrong damn girl. *flounders* BUT GODS HE’S HOT! O_O
Okay, Now for our least favorite characters (top…err…bottom 5)
5- Robb Stark. Yes, the actor that plays him is hot, and he was a bit swoon worthy early in the storyline. But his character stayed pretty one dimensional. Plus he married that girl.
4-Lady Margaery . The actresses smug face fits the character perfectly. She made me hate Anne Boleyn too.
3-Lysa Arryn No, just no. She sucks as a human. It’s no wonder Caitlyn sucks too. I bet their dad sucked, and their mom. The whole Tully family can suck it.
2- Melisandre. She creeps me out.
1- The chick that Robb married. I never cared for her, and never bothered to learn her name. And I’ll be damned if I google it.
5: Walder Frey – Such a gross old man! And of course he constructed the plan of killing Robb. 🙁
4: Sansa Stark – She has to be one of my most daft girls I’ve ever seen! She drives me crazy.
3: Lysa Arryn – Lysa is psychotic. She creeps me out, both her and her weirdo kid Robin. I mean really, why are you still breast feeding your kid?
2: LittleFinger – Why hasn’t anyone killed him yet?!?
1: Cersei – Do I even need to explain? She’s a horrible horrible woman.
Here is yet another list that I find too short. How can I possibly narrow down the most detested characters to just five?!
5 – Melisandre, The Red Woman – She is so slimy, in every possible way, and uses religion as her motivation. Not cool. Nobody is safe from her ritual pyres. Lock up your bastards!!
4 – Ramsay – Boy, this guy is making an impression, making both most and least favorite character lists. There certainly is something charismatic about him, and he’s obviously good with a knife. But would you want him dating your daughter? I think not.
3 – Greyjoy (Jr OR Sr, take your pick) – The Greyjoys are a skeezy lot. They’re power hungry and have zero loyalty. Except maybe Yara, but she let her brother feel her up, so she loses a few points there.
2 – The Mountain – Where his brother still has some sort of decency, the Mountain is simply horrible. Both the books and show only touch on his character a few times, but I always felt some intense hatred for him. He is sold, heartless and far too willing to follow Joffrey’s orders.
1 – Joffrey – He’s the kind of villain that you love to hate. He tortures animals… and prostitutes… and drunk jesters… actually there is no limit to his cruelty. Let’s just blame his insanity to incest.