What’s a little "Fifty Shades of Grey" between 2 friends?

May 25, 2012 erotica, lady writers 0

The Best Part of Fifty Shades of Grey was making fun of it with my friend/fellow reviewer Kami! Here’s some of our thoughts on the stupidness of this book:

*Note from Kami, I ended up switching from a paperback copy to an ebook copy around p70 (paperback) and as it turns out the page numbers from paperback and ebook do not match up directly. So I apologize if this causes any confusion.*
*so you broke down and bought it huh?~Lori
“She’ll [kate] make an exceptional journalist. She’s articulate, strong, persuassive, argumentative, beautiful–and she’s my dearest, dearest friend.”pg.2 I think someone has a girl crush!

“I prefer my own company.” ~Ana pg.4. What a cowinkydink I would prefer having needles shoved into my skin to your company ~Lori

But if you work so hard, what do you do to chill out? pg6
LMFAO–Awkward–when was the last time YOU heard someone say ‘chill out’….dear Ana I think you forgot to leave the 90s behind! ~Lori

You, fascinated by a man? That’s a first. (kate) snorts. pg.14
That’s cuz she’s lezzie for you Kate duh! ~Lori

We are besieged by do-it yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton and John and Patrick-the two other partimers-and I are besieged by customers. pg16
Huh are you besieged? Look at all the ands in that sentence…someone needs to buy a thesarus and a new editor. ~Lori

“Am I funny? Funny looking?” [Ana]pg. 18. Hmm let’s—Hello no! Hell yes!!!

I swear to god if she blushes one more I’m going to plunge a screw driver in my eyeball! It’d be less painful than being in Ana’s brain. ~ Lori
“I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto.” [Ana]pg.19–Good god woman (Ms. James) I’m pretty sure Ana is a more nefarious character than any communists. Please stop comparing your character to well written works. Marx is rolling in his grave. As are the Bronte sisters and Jane Austen.

“I’m in the street, and Christian Grey is holding my hand.” pg.28 OH MY FUCKING GOD—this girl is a moron.
“Try to be cool, Ana.” pg.29–too late I’m pretty sure the cool train didn’t even stop for you fucktard! ~Lori

I can almost hear his sphinxlike smile through the phone p35
I am really curious what a sphinxlike smile looks like, and sounds like through a phone… ~Kami

I dont think it is normal for someone to ‘flush’ and ‘blush’ this much. Maybe she should have that checked out. ~Kami

I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious– she’s doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his. p67
Compared to Anastasia’s subconscious, mine is awfully boring. She doesn’t yell at me, glare at me, tap her foot at me, or dance in a hula skirt. She don’t even wear glasses. ~Kami
I always figured her Inner Goddess to be more of the dancing type. Her subconscious is a bitch. ~Lori
Wouldn’t it be awesome if she stopped fucking yapping about her inner goddess and subconscious, got some fucking guts stood up for herself, stopped being an annoying blathering idiot and got some god forsaken fucking confidence!? ~Lori (yes I realize that is a massive run on sentence–but if EL James can get away with it–well damnit I can to!)
*Switches to ebook pages *~Kami
Your a sadist?
Im a Dominant. pg72
This is a play on words. This would be manipulation. ~Kami
LOL so are brown eyes. ~Lori

So you’ll get your kicks by exerting your will over me. {Ana}
It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you. I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy even, in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy–it’s a very simple equation. {Grey} pg73
Another play on words. Yes, dear naive, Ana you nailed it on the head. ~Kami
In other words he doesn’t give a shit if you get any joy or not! As a matter of fact he would like to beat you when you are “bad”. Nice man. I bet he’s glad you are a fucking idiot and don’t understand fancy words—wait there are no fancy words there. ~Lori

Will you hurt me? [Ana]
What do you mean? [Grey]
Physically, will you hurt me? [Ana]
I will punish you when you require it, and it will be painful. [Grey] pg76
Play on words. Simply answer, yes he will hurt you. ~Kami
Yippee sign me up motherfucker!!! Sounds like a good time to me. *Rolls eyes/Sarcasm*–uh oh better run and hide–Grey might come after me with his ‘itchy palms’ and spank me for rolling my eyes.~Lori

We’re going to rectify the situation right now. [Grey]
What do you mean? What situation? [Ana]
Your situation. Ana I’m going to make love to you, now. [Grey] pg81
Clearly being a virgin is a situation. How dare she! ~Kami
Oh that Ana. Wait, What? I thought Grey only fucked? tehehehehe ~Lori
*Ana has an orgasm her very first time-start to finish this sex act cannot last longer than 10 mins-not even close to enough time for the pain of losing her v-card to stop.~Lori
I want you sore, baby. pg88
Say what?!?! ~Kami
Nice! Me too but in a I’m- going- to- punch- your- face- because- you’re- an- idiot sort of way! ~Lori

“I’m 50 Shades of fucked up”. -Grey pg IDFK
Yes, yes you are. And you’re a manipulative asshole too. AND I still like your character better than Ana. ~Lori

I really don’t understand the appeal of the sex in this book. By my estimation Christian is a 2-5 minute man, and Ana has some sort of nerve disease because she “comes” on command. ~Lori

Everytime I see Ana think “oh my” George Takei pops into my head! ~Lori

If Ana’s Subconcious and Inner Goddess would shut the fuck up this book might be 50% more enjoyable. pg. ALL OF THEM ~Lori

“Christian stands in the doorway, his PJs hanging off his hips in that way that makes every little cell in my body stand up and take notice” pg 262–what the hell is this girl talking about? Everytime I read this I envision ->

“He laughs, and I get a rare glimpse of carefree Christian. I’ve not seen him for awhile” pg. 263. Apparently the joking around you were doing with him in the car not a half an hour earlier was like too long for your stupid brain to remember. ~Lori

“Fuck, this is sexier than the toothbrush”. Ana pg.264 LMFAO–uh yeah…toothbrushes aren’t meant to be sexy you nimrod. And sharing a toothbrush is just nasty!

Why, everytime they go into the red room of pain, do I picture Grey as this? ~Lori

Also the way the writer protrays Jose I’m fairly certain she has never met a real Mexican…Dios Mio!~Lori

The Tampon…OMG the tampon!!!!!
Do you think Grey saved it and made Ana a gift?
Really this blog post could be endless but I think I will leave you with this lasting image to scar you for life!
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